


RENCH'S ACTING EDITION 



No. 2518 




A LITTLE ADDRESS 



A LITTLE ADDRESS 



A DUOLOGUE 



By 

MARGARET YOUNG 



Copyright, 1914, by Samuel French, Limited 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 WEST 38TH STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



MAR -9 1914 



TMP92-007602 
^CLD 36417 



A LITTLE ADDRESS 

CHARACTERS. 

Lady Gertrude .... A prominent person. 
Betty Lamb Her secretary. 



The Fee for each and every representation of this 
play by Amateurs is Ten Shilhngs and Sixpence, 
payable in advance to — 

Messrs. SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD., 

26, Southampton Street, 

Strand, London, 

or their authorized representatives. 

No performance may be given unless a written 
permission has first been obtained. 

All the costumes, wigs, and properties used in the 
performance of plays contained in French's list may 
be hired or purchased reasonably from Messrs. 
Charles H. Fox, Ltd., i^], WelHngton Street, Strand, 
London. 



A LITTLE ADDRESS 

Time. — The present. 

Scene.— Lady Gertrude's business-room. 

A large table c. heaped witli letters, pamphlets 
and parcels. A chair up c. at table, facing audience. 
A small chair r.. an armchair, nuth a footstooL 
down L. 

Discovered. — Betty Lamb, a pretty well-dressed 
girl, standing sorting letters, etc., and arranging 
them in front of chair c. 

Betty (in a si7ig-song as she sorts). Lady Gertrude 

— Lady Gf/^trudc — Ladv Ger (Takes up a parcel.) 

Flowers ? From Sir Thomas. (Puts it with letters.) 
For Lady Gertrude. (As she goes on sorting.) Poor 
Sir Thomas ! Lady Gertrude. Lady Gertrude. 

Lady (Parcel.) Books from Sir Thomas ! (Puts 

it with letters.) For Lady Gertrude. (As she goes on.) 
Poor old Sir Thomas ! Lady Gertrude — Lady Ger- 
trude. Letter from Sir Thomas. Poor dear old Sir. 
(Stops as she lays it with others.) No ! Not for Lady 
Gertrude! (Amazed.) For me f From Sir Thomas ! 
What on earth ? (Perches on arm of chair and 
reads to herself, commenting indignantly.) Oh, it 
is ! — it is too bad of her. Yes, it is. (^4 little scream.) 
Me ! Me to help. A little tact ! Me ! A httle 
address ! — Me ! A little management ! Me manage ! 
When I can't say Bo to a — — (Jumps up.) Lady 

7 



8 A LITTLE ADDRESS. 

Gertrude. (Hurrying letter into her pocket, she drops 
it. N.B. behind footstool so that it does not lie in sight 
of audience.) 

(Enter Lady Gertrude, a charming, breezy, njell- 
dressed woman, with an intensely business air.) 

Lady Gertrude (briskly to table, delighted, bu\ 
thinking she is annoyed). Here's a morning's mail ' 
Gets worse and worse, doesn't it, Betty ? How many 
to-day ? (Draws up chair and sits, head of table, 
facing audience, as if presiding at a Board.) 

Betty (hastily). I haven't counted yet. 

Lady Gertrude (very busy cutting open letters). 
Never mind counting, then. Peg away at these, or 
ni never get through. What's the time ? Half- 
past eleven. I have to address the first Deputation 
at ? What time ? 

Betty. At twelve. 

Lady Gertrude. Twelve ! Oh ! Come along, 
child. (Rushes.) 

Betty (at other end of table, sorting). I hadn't 
auite finished sorting the letters. 

Lady Gertrude. Then never mind sorting them. 
Hand over the lot. (Holds out her hand.) They're 
sure to be all for me. 

(Betty brings them. She touches Betty's cheek.) 

Though I'd like you to have a nice httle letter all for 
yourself, my Bettikin. But you never do, do you ? 
(Back to business.) 
Betty (nods). I did to-day. (Ptits hand in pocket.) 
Lady Gertrude (cheerfully). You did ? 

(She looks up. Betty starts, missing letter, and looks 

imldly about her.) 
Oh I Why, Betty, what's the matter ? You look 
fifteen colours at once — hke the chameleon (very busy) 

who died of sitting on a tartan plaid 

Betty (distractedly searching). Where is it ? 



A LITTI.E ADDRESS. 9 

Lady Gertrude (looks up). Still tartan, Betty? 
Was it such a very nice letter as all that ? 

Betty (distractedly). Oh ! very nice. (Looking 
about her.) 

Lady Gertrude (looks up again).' What is the 
matter with you ? 

Betty. Oh ! nothing — nothing. (Looking.) 

Lady Gertrude (unth letter). There ought to be 
a pamphlet along with this letter. A pamphlet from 
the Colonial Cousins Club. 

(Betty, looking about still, liands a pamphlet.) 

Not that. That's " Aeroplanes for All." 

Betty (jumps). I beg your pardon. (Hands 
another, looks about.) 

Lady Gertrude. And that's the " Jig- Saw 
Association." (Puts it down.) Look here, Betty ! 
One thing or another. If this letter of yours is im- 
portant 

Bety (hurriedly). Oh ! no, no, it isn't. No. Not 
a bit important. It's nothing. .Really nothing. 

Lady Gertrude (resigned). That elaborate in- 
difference means that it is an offer of marriage, I 
suppose, at least. 

Betty [jumps). Marriage ! Oh ! (Laughs.) How 
funny ! Why should it be about that ? 

Lady Gertrude. Why shouldn't it ? [Back 
at her letters.) Starts and"^ blushes ! And a roving 
eye ! And the wandering step of the ghost of Hamlet's 
father. All / say is — (always skimming letters, but 
not unkindly) if it is anoffer of marriage, out with it 
—and my business will have to wait. (Reluctantly ; 
then briskly.) But if it isnt^ihew for goodness sake 
stop fidgetting, Betty, and let us get to work at once. 
Betty. Oh ! Yes, of course, Lady Gertrude. 

(With a last drowning glance after letter, she comes 
hurriedly r. of Lady Gertrude and opens pam- 
phlets. Lady Gertrude glances up pleasantly.) 



10 A LITTLE ADDRESS 

Lady Gertrude. Not an offer of marriage, then ? 

Betty. Oh ! {Blurts out aivkwardly.) Oh ! talk- 
ing of marriage, Lady Gertrude, you haven't opened 
— those. 

Lady Gertrude (takes box). Those ? What ? 
(Carelessly.) Oh ! Sir Thomas's usual flowers. (Turns 
found and looks a^ Betty.) And — " talking of marri- 
age " ? That's very subtle of you, my dear ! (Cuts 
open string of box cheerfully.) Your idea of tact, 
perhaps ? 

Betty (jumps). " Tact." How did you know ? 
(Clutches pocket.) I mean — yes, (resentfully) I 
^suppose that would be — just my idea of tact. 

Lady Gertrude (composedly). Then you may 
take it f roni me that tact isn't your line. Try another. 
And meanwhile, just put those (hands over flowers) 
flowers down somewhere out of the way, will you ? 
{Busy.) 

Betty (taking away flowers shakes them angrily). 
It's not my fault. I never wanted to. It's ridiculous. 
I never said I had any tact ! Did I ? Did I .^ 
(Puts them down.) 

Lady Gertrude. Not that I know of. What you 
have, my dear, is half my morning's mail tucked under 
your left arm. 

Betty. I'm so sorry. (Wanders, looking for 
letter.) 

Lady Gertrude. And I'd be glad to have a 
glance through it, before the first Deputation comes. 

(Betty hands over letters.) 

Which zs the first Deputation ? 

Betty. First Deputation ? (Looks up enormous 
engagement slate.) Tuesday, 12 o'clock. The Navy. 
. . . You address the Navy. 

Lady Gertrude. The Navy! . . . Oh, yes. 
{Tries to collect ideas.) ... To be sure, yes. The 
Navy. (Then, frankly, to Betty.) Now, what am 
I going to address the Navv about ? 



A LITTLE ADDRESS. 11 

Betty (looks up memo, in large black book ; reads 
briefly). Nerves. 

Lady Gertrude. Nerves . . . Oh, yes. . . . (As 
before.) Yes . . . Whose nerves ? 

Betty (wilh book, as before). Navy's nerves : 
Daily Mail leaderette, Saturday, May ist : Nerves 
of the Navy ; Should Seamen Suffer ; Columns 
opened to Correspondence on Question. Mem. 
Wrote expressing readiness to receive a Deputation 
from the Navy, noon, Tuesday, in order to 

Lady Gertrude. To make them a httle address — 
I remember, now. perfectly. A little address ex- 
pressing sympathy with the strain on their sensi- 
sibilities. and willingness to be their spokeswoman 
with Winston. We'll just trv that through, please, 
Betty. 

Betty (briskly). Ready! (Whips tip small chair, 
sets it down stage R., back to audience, faces Lady 
Gertrude critically, as Navy.) Go ! 

Lady Gertrude (bluffly). My men! 

Betty (as Navy : cordially), 'ear ! 'ear ! 

Lady Gertrude (warming to it and wnth emphasis). 
I was deeply distressed by the Daily Mail of Satur- 
day 

Betty (as Jiersel! ; firmly). Won't do! 

Lady Gertrude (annoyed). What's wrong ? 

Betty (briefly). Hornpipe. They'll dance it ! 

Lady Gertrude. What do you mean by " Horn- 
pipe " ? 

Betty (sings to Sailor's Hornpipe, beating time). 
" I was deep-ly distressed by the Daily — Mail of 
Saturday." — Dance it, to a certainty. (Goes on hum- 
ming softly.) 

Lady Gertrude (outraged). Betty ! They couldn't ! 

Betty (calmly). Couldn't help it. With their 
nerves a bit out, too. 

Lady Gertrude. . . . They wouldnt ! 

Betty. They may try not to. But (loltily) 
never mind, never mind. Risk it, if vou like. 



12 A LITTLE ADDRESS. 

^ Lady Gertrude. I shall certainly not risk it. 
I'm surprised at you, Betty. I shall not trifle with the 
feehngs of brave men. 

Betty {jumps up). Won't you ? [Runs and 
fetches parcel.) Then open this ! 

Lady Gertrude. This ? {Looks at it.) Oh ! 
Books from Sir Thomas. (Carelessly.) Presently. 

Betty. Sir Thomas, I suppose, is a coward ! 

Lady Gertrude. What are you talking about ? 

Betty. Lm talking about Sir Thomas Blount, 
K.C.B., V.C, of Holt Hall, Suffolk, and 19, Brook 
Street, W. 

Lady Gertrude. Oh ! . . . Oh ! Tact again, 
is it, Betty ? 

Betty [gloomily). The nearest I can do. 

Lady Gertrude (coldly). Then we'll go back to 
the address, if you please. 

Betty (gloomily). All right. (In chair as be/ore.) 

Lady Gertrude (more bluffly). My men ! 

BETTy (bored and refined). He-a.r ! //c-ar ! 

Lady Gertrude. Betty ! That's not the Navy ! 

Betty (gloomily). It's Nerves, all right. 

Lady Gertrude (swiftly). Then — not from me, 
my men, shall you hear reproach for irritability — 
excitability — impressionability — symptoms all three 
of nervous strain. 

Betty (concedes). Not bad. 

Lady Gertrude. It is for me but to tender you 
my warmest sympathy — my best-considered coun- 
sel at this crisis in the history of your physique. 
(Earnestly.) Feed, my friends ! Full and frequent 
feeding 

Betty [jumps up). Feeding ! 

Lady Gertrude (annoyed). Feeding. Yes. 
What's wrong with feeding ? Really, Betty, there's 
no pleasing you to-day. For pity's sake do let me 
get into my stride. 

Betty. " Feeding " reminded me that Sir Thomas 
is coming to lunch. 



A LITTLE ADDRESS. 13 

Lady Gertrude (despairingly). Not to-day! 
A ga in ! 

Betty. He hasn't been for a fortnight. 

Lady Gertrude. Oh ! Ring him up, Betty. 
Tell him I haven't a moment to-day to speak to a 
hving soul. [Up.) There's the Navy at 12. And 
here's the Jig-Saw Association (with pamphlet and 
letter) hoping that I can give them a brief interview 
at one. What can I do ? 

Betty. See Sir Thomas. And say " Not At Home " 
to the Jig-Saws. 

Lady Gertrude. "Not At Home" to the Jig- 
Saws ! Betty I (With deep feeling.) If we don't 
keep up the National Standard of Recreation, where 
are we ? What can a lonely man turn to 

Betty. Just what / say ! If you won't give him 
his lunch. 

Lady Gertrude. What are you talking about ? 

Betty. Sir Thomas Blount ! If / were Sir 
Thomas Blount, and — and — and v/as wanting to 
— to marry a person 

Lady Gertrude (turns and looks at her, amused). 
Dear me ! 

Betty (recklessly). I wouldn't stand it another 
minute. No, I wouldn't stand it. (Then, to herself, 
hopelessly). And that's my idea of tact ! 

Lady Gertrude. Wouldn't you ? You funny 
httle soul ! And if Sir Thomas didn't stand it 
(sits in easy-chair with Jig-Saw pamphlet — smiling 
cheerfully), what do you suppose would happen 
then ? 

Betty. It wouldn't happen. I'd do it myself. 

Lady Gertrude. What would you do ? (Pre- 
tending to read, hut listening.) 

Betty. I'd — if — if the iirst person couldn't 
make up her mind — I'd — I'd find another who could. 

Lady Gertrude (smiles proudly — turning pages). 
And that would break the first poor person's heart. 
Do you think ? 



14 A LITTLE ADDRESS. 

Betty. No. I don't think so. The first person 
hasn't got a heart to break. 

Lady Gertrude. Come I Betty I {Laughs.) 

Betty. Well. If she has, it's all — jig-sawed 
up among a hundred and fifty associations ! {Angrily.) 
And how can I put it together ? Why should I ? 
It's no business of mine I {Begins tidying up papers 
on table violently.) 

Lady Gertrude (a cooler smile). That is begin- 
ning to strike you ? 

Betty. Let Sir Thomas do his own work ! 

Lady Gertrude. And leave me in peace to do 
mine. That's just what I tell him, my dear, and 
just what he 

Betty. Wliat he does ; And that's just what you 
count on. If he came to you and stood up to you 
and said — " I've had enough of this. And if yo-ii 
don't want me, other people do." 

Lady Gertrude (looks up, I'vith a difference). 
" Other people " P 

Betty. Hundreds of people. 

Lady Gertrude {relieved). Hundreds ! That's 
all ! {Returns to her pamphlet.) 

Betty. If Sir Thomas would only put his foot 
down {Stamps.) 

Lady Gertrude {looks up : laughs suddenly). 
How funny ! 

Betty. What's funny ? 

Lady Gertrude. You, dear. Standing up for 
Sir Thomas ! Calling on Sir Thomas to put down 
his foot ! And executing the entire little war-dance 
all the time on the top of Sir Thomas's own letter ! 

Betty {jumps). Sir Thomas's letter ! {Sees it 
imder her feet.) 

Lady Gertrude {holds out lier hand). Which is 
the one letter that you have forgotten to give me to 
read. 

Betty. That ! {Dismayed.) Oh ! that isn't. No — 
oh, no ! {Down on her knees to pick it ttp.) It isn't 



A LITTLE ADDRESS. 15 

Lady Gertrude (up). Oh, yes. It is. I know 
his great red seal a mile away. (Cheerjully towards 
her for the letter.) 

Betty (crimson). I mean — yes — the letter is 
from Sir Thomas. I don't mean — I mean — that it 
isn't — for you. 

Lady Gertrude. Not for me. Nonsense ! Who 
else could it be for ? It's from Sir Thomas ! (Holds 
out her hand. TJien as Betty stands averted, she 
looks wondering — startled. A sudden silence, held.) 

Betty. Yes, Oh ! yes. (Confused.) But it's 
for (Turns awkwardly and shows the address.) 

Lady Gertrude (looks at it. Her face changes. 
Reads it.) " Miss Lamb." (A silence. Then with 
hauteur.) I beg your pardon. (She goes back to 
table. Works among papers very smoothly and silently, 
till she can command her voice.) 

(Betty goes to the table, as if she i£!Ould speak. Lady 
Gertrude never glances up. Betty hangs about. 
Lady Gertrude writes busily and firmly. Betty 
puts the letter on table near Lady Gertrude. 

She makes no sign.) 

Betty (desperately). What can I do ? 

Lady Gertrude (clearly — closing an envelope). 
What did you say ? 

Betty (humbly). There seems nothing I can do 

Lady Gertrude (coldly). You can ring up Sir 
Thomas Blount, as I requested. 

Betty (timidly). Yes ? 

Lady Gertrude. And say that I haven't a min- 
ute to give him. 

Betty. Oh ! must I ? 

Lady Gertrude. If it isn't troubhng you. 

Betty (anxious to please). Oh ! troubling me T 
Of course not. 

Lady Gertrude (icily). Of course not. 

(Betty going.) 



16 A LITTLE ADDRESS. 

(Lady Gertrude calls coldly.) 
Oh! 

(Betty back.) 

(Lady Gertrude points u^ith Jier pen.) 

Your letter ! 

Betty. Oh, yes. (Coming to take it.) 

Lady CjERTRUDe [smiles icily). Which was im- 
portant. 

Betty (eagerly). Oh ! would you (Stops.) 

Lady Gertrude (icily). What ? 

Betty (ptishing it towards her). Would you — 
look — look at it ? 

Lady Gertrude (frozen). I ! 

Betty. Oh, I heg your pardon. (Picks it up.) 
Of course not. (At door, glaring at letter.) Tact ! ! 

(Exit L. to telephone.) 

(Lady Gertrude steadily writing.) 

Betty (off). Oh ! is that you, Sir Thomas ? 

Lady Gertrude. Oh ! (Calls as before the 
yelations being too strained to say Betty.) Oh ! 

Betty (returning). Yes, Lady Gertrude. 

Lady Gertrude. Kindly shut the door between 
the rooms. I prefer not to hear people talk. (Betty 
shuts the door. Lady Gertrude finishes her uriting. 
Then puts down her face in her two hands a moment. 
Stands up suddenly, takes up the lot of letters, and lets 
them all drop, as a worthless heap, upon the table. 
Walks straight to the armchair. Sits in it, her head 
straight tip against the back, her eyes shut, quite still. 
Then opens them with a quick sigh, says, rather short 
and hard) Poor things ! (Silence — less hardlv.) 
Poor things ! (A long sigh, then ivith a sad smile.) 
Poor little things \ .. . It was mv fault. Well ! 
(Sadiv.) 



A LITTLE ADDRESS. 17 

(Door opens behind her chair. A spasm of feeling 
passes over her face — Betty stands very nervous in 
door.) 

Lady Gertrude (with an effort). That you, Betty? 
[Pleasantly.) 

Betty [relieved at her tone — quicklv in). Yes. 

Lady Gertrude. Have you had your talk with 
Sir Thomas ? 

Betty. Yes. 

Lady Gertrude [as before). Not a very long one. 

Betty [eagerly). Only just what you told me to 
tell him — only just to say that the Jig-Saws 

Lady Gertrude. x\h ! [Winces.) Never mind 
the Jig-Saws — I want you to tell him something more. 
Kindly write, will you ? . 

Betty [at table, nervous). I ? 

Lady Gertrude. Dear Sir Thomas. 

Betty. Oh ! Ld rather not. 

Lady Gertrude [crisply). You will oblige me 
very much if you will write. 

Betty. " Dear Sir Thomas." 

Lady Gertrude [crisply, but rather breathlessly). 
I feel that I have allowed — our rather indefinite 
footing — to last a great deal too long. , I really beg 
your pardon for a — [stops, the?i quietly) — a selfishness 
— which has put us both in a false position. Your 
offer of marriage should have been declined by me 
long ago. 

Betty [groans). Oh! dear! 

Lady Gertrude. But you will perhaps live to 
thank me for the indecision which has left you — as 
I now leave you — absolutely free. 

Betty [li'ith a cry). Oh! please I 

Lady Gertrude. L. that done ? Free to find 
■ — to find your happiness with — some younger, and let 
us hope some — some less pre-occupied woman. 

Betty. Please — — 

Lady Gertrude (cr/s/)/y). That done ? The pad 
and the pen, please. Fll sign it. 



18 A LITTLE ADDRESS. 

(Betty brings pad, pen and letter. Lady Gertrude 
sits up in the armchair. Betty, kneeling before 
her, suddenly puts the things behind her back instead 
of before Lady Gertrude, and says :) 

Betty. Lady Gertrude ! 

Lady Gertrude (looking her in the eyes steadily). 
Well, Betty ! 

Betty (slowly). I do believe you are really think- 
ing 

Lady Gertrude (soberly). I do believe I really 
am. It's a thing I haven't had time for lately. 

Betty. Then please will you let me read you Sir 
Thomas's letter ? 

Lady Gertrude. Presently. (Gesture for pad. 
Betty yields it. She signs.) . . . Now. 

Betty (reads quick, clear, excited). " Dear Miss 
Lamb. It is getting to be more than I can bear — 
this suspense about my marriage — with the only 
woman I ever cared to look at. She doesn't know 
how she makes me suffer." 

Lady Gertrude. " She " ? 

Betty. " Do help me. Do make her know. I 
build on you. A little tact on your part, my dear 
young lady ; a little management ; a little address 
— and my cause with Lady Gertrude will be won." 

Lady Gertrude (stupidly). " With Lady Ger- 
trude." (Then she begins to cry. Then says :) That's 
me. (Cries more.) 

Betty. Don't. Oh ! don't. 

Lady Gertrude. It doesn't matter. (Among 
sobs.) I'm so glad. . . . I'm so sorry. . . . I thought 
we had — all three turned suddenly — into — such a 
set of brutes ! But it wasn't. He hasn't. He isn't. 

Betty. Oh ! then (seizes Lady Gertrude's 
letter) I may tear tJiis up. 

Lady Gertrude. No. / will. (Does so.) 

Betty. And you'll write him — a different one. 

Lady Gertrude. No. (Up.) I'll ring him up. 



A LITTLE ADDRESS. 19 

Betty. Oh ! how lovely— lovely ! Oh, do tell 
me ! Did / do it ? Was it my tact ? 

Lady Gertrude. Your tact, you goose ? No. 
[Touches Sir Thomas's envelope.) It was your 
address. 

(Heavy steps off l.) 

What on earth is that ? 

[Soft music of Hornpipe.) 

Betty. The Navy. (Runs to door r.) 

Lady Gertrude. Not At Home ! (Off l. to 
telephone.) 

Betty (putting her head out very timidly at door l.). 
Lady Gertrude is not At Home. 

Lady Gertrude (off r. at telephone). Is that you, 
Tom ? 



Curtain. 



Butler & Tanner Frome and London 



